Shortcuts Like a Knife

Piney Stone was walking down the road at about ten thirty in the morning. Because of the hour, Piney was drunk as usual. He decided to cut across the airport on his walk. He encountered a maintenance worker and started arguing with him. He made some threats, and then continued on his way. Airport security was alerted, and they approached Piney as he made his way back to the main road.

Piney was not particularly cooperative with the Airport security. He wound up being charged with being intoxicated in public, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct. He has a very, very long record which contains numerous offenses which involve alcohol.

So we entered a plea. I told Piney that I was able to negotiate a plea that would keep him from having to do any jail time. He would get a suspended sentence of four months in prison, and be allowed to go on supervised probation. That means that if he violates probation, then he has to serve the four months. Otherwise, he never serves a day. He asked me if that meant he would have to attend alcohol education classes as a condition of his probation. I told him that it would.

Then I negotiated a second plea. Piney had the choice of the first plea with the probation, or an active sentence of thirty days in jail which would not involve any probation or alcohol classes. He chose to do thirty days.

Yes, you read that right. Instead of taking some alcohol classes, Piney wanted to spend thirty days in jail. Exactly what is your life like when you choose to go to jail so that you don't have to do something like take some alcohol classes? Sadly, he is not the first person I have seen make such a choice.

Bart Cresky is a client of mine who has been charged with slitting a guy's throat. The guy lived, but he definitely had a slit throat. The victim's story is that he and Bart were up drinking until five-thirty or so, and they were arguing about the fact that the victim was sleeping with Bart's girlfriend. Bart says something like, "I should kill you." To which the victim responds, "You don't have the balls." Bart -- apparently having the balls -- picks up a knife in the kitchen and cuts the victim's throat from behind. Then Bart leaves.

Bart's version is that he and the victim are at a bar until three. Then they decide to go four wheeling in the victim's Jeep. At three am (Do people really live like that? Do you think either of them would choose to do jail time over probation?). The Jeep gets stuck, and Bart heroically walks off to find help. In the meantime, the victim must have succeeded in freeing the Jeep and driving it home. During or after the drive, either someone slits the victim's throat or the victim slits his own throat. I can't wait until I get to try to sell the jury on theory number two.