Shake It Up

Today was Shaky's day in court. The charges? Three counts of Assault on a Police Officer, one count each of Possession of Drug Paraphernalia, Trespass, and Begging. Two of the Assaults were actually assaults on horses. However, as the horses are police officers, he gets charged with Assault on a Police Officer.

I said to Brent Borgon, the Assistant DA for the case, "You do realize that it is a more serious crime for me to punch a horse than to punch you in the face?" He nodded understanding. "But this is no ordinary horse," he replied.

So we pled to a few of the counts and had the remainder of the charges dismissed. I was able to strategically get all of the cases set for today and in front of Judge Cribble. Judge Cribble actually confused Shaky with Crisco, who is another homeless guy who is always in and out of court.

One time I was out for a walk and I ran into Crisco on the street. He, predictably, asked me for money. I told him I had none. Then he tried a little harder. He told me he had just been stabbed. "You have?" I asked. He raised his shirt. He had been stabbed. Well, that was certainly worth the dollar or two I had. I am quite sure that he purchased some effective sedative with the money.

I have run into Shaky several times on the street. He always asks me for money. One time when I told him I only had plastic, he pointed me to an ATM and told me I could get some money for him there. Another time I was out with my wife and he told us he was hungry and wanted some money for food. So I went into a nearby coffee shop and bought him a muffin. I handed it to him. He studied it in his hand. "What's this?" "It's food, Shaky." He considered the muffin, then looked up at me. "You got any money?"

But the best Shaky story is the time he was charged with robbing a prostitute. She had given the agreed-upon blowjob, but Shaky would not give her the five dollars that he had promised her. This transaction and event took place entirely inside a port-o-potty. Ah....class.

So Judge Cribble had fun joking with Shaky in front of the crowd.
"Still begging?"
"No, I stopped that."
"Shaky, you've asked me for money."
"But I was just kidding."
"No, you weren't."

When all was said and done, Judge Cribble gave him credit for time served. If I wandered just a few blocks from here right now, I would undoubtedly encounter him working his magic on some corner.