Trial Strategies

Jury selection in the George Coney case begins tomorrow at nine-thirty. I will be looking for jurors who are paranoid and delusional. I wonder how many of those I can get on the jury. Of course, perhaps during selection I will ask, "How many of you are willing to find my client not guilty just to stick it to the Man?"

Among the things I have to convince the jury of tomorrow will be the idea that my client could be sitting on ten bags of heroin in the middle of a sunny day and not know it. I told Gary Doe, the prosecutor, that I was going to try one of the following with the jury:

1. I am going to make my argument to the jury, and then turn around and walk back to my table, exposing the ten bags of heroin I have taped to my ass.

2. During my closing, I will say, "Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am aware that some of you may be thinking that it sounds absurd to say that someone could be sitting on top of heroin and not know it. So I ask you now to reach down and feel the bottoms of the chairs you are sitting in. You have all been sitting on heroin for this entire trial."

Gary Doe liked both ideas, and quickly suggested that if I opted for number two, then he would ask the bailiff to arrest the jury.