Axes with Exes

I thought that I was going to have a custody trial. I don't do a lot of those cases, but I had made an exception in this case for reasons I can't remember. I would call it a strange case, but I guess that all custody cases are strange. I always say that, yes, criminals are crazy. But if you want to talk about people who are truly crazy, then you have to talk about the family law clients.

I represented Mom in this action. Dad filed for custody. A few weeks after filing for custody, Dad moved twelve hours away. That is an interesting strategic move. Not only does he have to prove the kids would be better off with him, he also has to prove that the kids should be taken from the place they have lived their whole lives and their schools. Clearly, my client has an advantage here.

Where my client doesn't have an advantage is the part where she is an alcoholic and has committed several acts that demonstrate her inability to drink responsibly. She also cheated on Dad while they were living together as a married couple. Pretty crappy. She alleges to me that he is abusive to her physically. Upon further examination, she reveals that he is only abusive to her when she is drinking. Not when he is drinking. When she is drinking. Hmmmmm.....you think that maybe Dad's lawyer will spin that as "she gets drunk and starts fights with him?" Just maybe.

Dad's lawyer brings me a printout of texts that my client has sent to Dad over the past year or so. Dad was surprisingly fair in that he included messages that made her look good. Anyway, in her texts she starts calling him by a female name and claiming that she knows about his crossdressing and being a woman in a secret life. I asked Dad's lawyer about that. She says she thinks it is true. Strangely, with all the dirt my client is trying to tell me about him, she never mentioned that. Interesting.

Dad decides that he wants to settle and allow my client to have custody. I am happy because I get to avoid the trial I didn't want to have. My client is okay, but not happy. I think she was looking forward to the fireworks in court. As usual, it was not about the kids for these two. Rather, it was for Dad and Mom to grind some axes.

We had our office meeting today. We have it every Friday over lunch. Sometimes we have it in the conference room, and sometimes we have it at a restaurant. Today we had it at Pizza Hut. Their salad bar was very impressive. Of course, it might have been better if there had been some lettuce. But that is clearly old-school thinking on my part. Pizza Hut has clearly seen the future in salads, and it does not involve lettuce. Or cheese. Or egg.