Master of Disguise

Wow.

Thursday I was attempting to enter a plea for my client in felony court. The charges had been reduced to misdemeanors. He had been in jail for a month or so, so he would be getting released. He was marginally happy about the whole thing. It was a reasonable deal.

But there was a catch. The DA said that they suddenly had concerns about whether the guy was actually Mike Jones, like he said he was. I had asked Mike Jones if he was, indeed, Mike Jones. He assured me he was. I had told him that it might be an issue and asked him if he could give me the number or address of someone who could bring me proof. He said he was married, but he never gave me information on how to reach her. Still, he insisted he was Mike Jones.

So we went up in front of Judge Daisy. The DA told Judge Daisy that there were issues about his identity. I suggested that Judge Daisy ask Mike Jones some questions about his record. She was holding it in her hands. She could verify what he had been convicted for, where, and when. It seemed like an easy way to prove who he was.

His response consisted of a lot of mumbling. He was not ordinarily a mumbler. Now even I am not sure as to who he is. Does he have a fugitive warrant from another state? Is he on probation for something? I have no idea.

This would never happen on television. They would print him, and the magical computer would tell us everything we need to know about him. Unfortunately, those magical computers exist almost exclusively in the land of television. So now his case has been continued for one week. Meanwhile, the state is making efforts to prove who he is.

Prior to entering the plea, I approached the bench.

"Good morning, Your Honor."
"How you doing?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"How you doing?"

"Haven't you seen that movie?"
"I have no idea."
"'Norbit!' It's hilarious!"
"No."
"How you doing?

Shouldn't being a fan of the movie "Norbit" automatically disqualify someone from being a judge? I already thought very little of Judge Daisy intellectually, but now every time I disagree with one of her rulings I will just have to remind myself that she is, after all, a self-proclaimed fan of "Norbit."